Life Lessons

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Seventeen Back To Seven

Published March 26, 2012 by The OC

 Time goes by so fast that sometimes we don’t even know what’s happening with our lives. It just passes you like a gush of the wind, you don’t see it coming and the next thing you know, and it already passed you by. One day, I was just seven and now I’m already 17. When I was seven, I always wonder what I’d be like when I’m seventeen. Now that I’m seventeen, I wonder what I was when I was seven.

            Looking ten years backward, I’m just in the first grade studying in a little room with wooden armchairs and a huge blackboard in front. I wore a brown uniform with a red belt and a red ribbon, and black shoes with white socks in school. I had such short hair cut just below the jaw line. My godfather who is also the service driver would pick me up at our house and drop me off in school then fetch me and then drop me off by the house from Mondays to Fridays. I remember having a cute backpack with a metal pencil-case and a box of crayons inside together with the books and notebooks for school. My day by then begins with saying hi to my classmates in the morning, and saying goodbye to them in the afternoon.

            If that seven-year old little girl looks ten years forward, she’ll see a young lady in a huge air-conditioned classroom sitting on a plastic armchair facing a whiteboard. A girl who wears a chic top tucked in skinny jeans and a leopard print ballerina flats. Her hair is long and curly at the ends. She goes to school from Tuesdays to Fridays riding a jeepney from her house, then a bus, then another jeepney inside the university; then she rides a jeepney, rides a bus, and then rides another jeepney and drops off by her home. She uses a black and white patterned handbag to school with a pink case for her pens and a kit for her cosmetics together with a number of fillers and a yellow pad inside. Her day begins with saying hi to her classmates before class and says goodbye to them after the period, and does this for about three to four times a day.

            This is two very different lives lived by a single person. That was how huge ten years had changed a seven-year old girl into a 17-year-old young lady. But there are things which time cannot change. We still have the same body though biological changes have occurred; it’s still the same body. I still live at the very same house that young kid lived in and still with the same family. I still have a nanny who cleans up the mess in my room because of school stuffs. Cinderella is still my favorite fairytale and so as blue is still my favorite color. I loved Winnie the Pooh then and love him until now. I’m addicted to Chuckie as I was when I was seven and still drink full cream milk every night. One thing that I’m happy that it stayed the same was I was a kid then and still is inside my heart.

            It’s funny how something you wanted as a kid comes to life and lives it like you wanted it to. Though not everything is what I expected it to be, it still turned out as a dream come true for that seven-year old little girl. I was seven and I wanted to be seventeen. I am seventeen and  still want to be seven.

Sent From Heaven

Published March 26, 2012 by The OC

Mischa,

How are you? Haha. Do you miss me already?

Ezra and his family migrated to theUnited Statesjust three days before her birthday. They sold all their properties – their house, their cars, all of it. It was like they did it on purpose. It seemed like they were diminishing reasons for them to stay, or at worse, to even come back at all as Mischa would put it. He told her that they have to go toCaliforniafor his father’s business. It didn’t really bother her; she was just sad knowing her best friend and her lover would be a thousand miles away.

I wrote this because I may not be able to greet you a Happy Birthday. I’m hoping you get this on March 30, 2011. Haha. So, have you replaced me yet? Haha.

They hadn’t had much contact ever since Ezra left. It’s been only three days, and it was Mischa’s sweet sixteenth already. There wasn’t a single call or text, not even an e-mail sent to her. But Ezra’s cousin gave Mischa a letter and a perfume bottle etched with the words “Today, Tomorrow, Always.” She admittedly felt giddy, just like a child getting a brand new toy. But at the same time, she felt how far away they are a lot more.

She opened the letter. She chose to keep it to herself. She didn’t want anyone else to even look at it. But she said Ezra’s tone was vaguely that of a man letting go, as if asking his loved one to move on, to find someone else. She did note one thing from the letter which says, “…just like the perfume, I love you today, tomorrow, and always.”

You are the MISS UNIVERSE OF MY LIFE. ;) I love you so much.

It was summer already. The sun was always up and strong. It was different for Mischa, however. Summer was the time for her to reminisce their moments together — the times when her parents treated Ezra like their own son.

“When we get into some small arguments, my parents would always side with him like he was their son and I wasn’t their daughter.” Mischa giggled and rolled her eyes. But she would always be in tears after every little anecdote.
It was curiosity that led her to an e-mail from Ezra to his cousin. She was envious — she hadn’t received any e-mail from him ever since. There was totally no communication between them. The few things Mischa vividly remembers from the e-mail were about Ezra telling stories of her baby sister, and something about vomiting and baldness. But the one thing she would never forget was Ezra’s note to his cousin: “Don’t tell this to Mischa, she might worry.” She wept as soon as she read it. Her world suddenly turned upside down, inside out. There was not a word to describe how she felt after reading the message.

She called his cousin, who said he was sorry. Upon finding it all out, Ezra called Mischa, and said he was sorry. It was all he could say.

“Every time I see you suffer, I suffer a bit more.” Mischa’s tone suddenly switched to a serious one as she muttered the words Ezra had told her on the phone.

If I’m still alive, you wouldn’t receive this because I will give you something else. I will give you my heart. :)

A few months later, Mischa received a phone call from Ezra’s mother. Mischa had almost surely predicted the words that she would come to hear. His mom was asking how she had been doing but her efforts to try to hide her mourning weren’t enough for Mischa to not feel the pain.

“Hija, Ezra’s gone.” Beyond that, nothing made sense anymore. At that moment, her world had stopped and her tears started falling.

Ezra’s mother told her that he died three days earlier, but he requested to tell the news to Mischa at that later time. Those three days were the exact days of her exams. They didn’t have any communication by then but it appeared Ezra knew what was happening to his beloved.

Take care. I love you.

Ezra

            Ezra was diagnosed with bone cancer years before he and Mischa became friends. He died last November 17, 2010 because of morphine overdose. Ezra’s mother informed Mischa that even in the last minutes of his life, he had been looking for Mischa. His mom told her that even in his sleep he was calling out for her.  She was the only person he wanted to see, and she was the only one he remembers until he passed away.

March 30, 2011. Mischa received a letter from his cousin, a letter from Ezra not saying goodbye, but a reaffirmation of his endless love for her.

Om Nom Nom Nom

Published February 7, 2012 by The OC

Cookie Monster

I bet most of you will recognize this young fellow above without reading the caption, right? Well, I do! Most of us do! It is an undeniable fact that at some point in our lives, we watched cartoons and children shows or at least heard about them. We actually even enjoyed them in our childhood. We even dressed like them, acted like them, imitated them by all means possible, or whatever we did that involves them, we sure can’t forget it.

Childhood is a big part of our lives. Aside from the fact that we all went through this stage (unless we’re Benjamin Button), most of our happy memories involves the seven-year old you who slipped and fell on your butt or that three-year old kid who just lost his tooth. We all went through childhood, but it all varies from person to person. Some of us might have had the princess-like childhood that I’ve always dreamed about, or for those who were not so lucky, an abused relationship with their parents. But whatever our childhood had been, may it be a good or a bad one, I bet we have something to look on to for us to be happy. It maybe the blue fluffy googly monster puppet who always eat cookies or that yellow silly old bear with a red shirt who loves to eat honey or the simple teddy bear or doll we always carried anywhere we go or even those friends only you could see.

Cartoons and toys played a big part in our childhood. It taught us how to be responsible and caring. It taught us how to share and love. But I think the most important lesson these characters taught each kid is to imagine beyond what we can see.

Years may come by and pass, but memories won’t fade. You might be surprised how old you have become when you get to see those pictures of the cartoon characters from your time and start to reminisce about the scenes you’ve always liked or hated. One good thing about childhood is that it creates a mark inside all of us, that even if we grow too old, we still have a little child living inside our hearts. Childhood is a never ending story. We were kids and we will be like kids before we die. Remember, one sign of growing old is being importunate. Growing old might mean we are near our end, but it also means we’re just going back to the time when we all feel young. ♡

“The things which the child loves remain in the domain of the heart until old age. The most beautiful thing in life is that our souls remaining over the places where we once enjoyed ourselves”

Pretty Please

Published January 11, 2012 by The OC

It’s not always because of vanity. It’s not always about love or acceptance. A woman wants to be beautiful, feel beautiful and she doesn’t need a reason to do such.

You see her putting on her makeup, dressing up like everyday’s a fashion show.~

Most people think that women do certain measures, certain processes to make herself look beautiful. Actually, looking beautiful isn’t really the main goal, being beautiful is what every single woman wants even if they don’t admit it. No one wants to be someone who just looks beautiful. Of course you want to be beautiful. Even if a woman already looks good and if she does something more to herself e.g., makeup, dress-up, etc., to the extent she looks like a clown already because of too much of something, if she still doesn’t feel beautiful, she won’t stop. Worse, she won’t be happy.

Then you tell her beauty is both inside and out so she shouldn’t focus more on the “outside”.~

Seriously, we all know that. We always say that we’d rather be with someone who is beautiful inside even if she’s not so beautiful on the outside than to be with someone who’s beautiful outside but not on the inside. Truth of the matter is, we want it to be at least of both. We do want to be with someone who is kind and genuine but on the back of our minds we also dream of someone who is beautiful, someone you could walk with and travel the world and let the others envy you. (I know this isn’t a hundred percent true but for sure, it’s more than half percent.) It’s not the person’s character you first get when you meet a person, it’s the looks. Admit it, the qualities of your ideal woman just comes right after you took a good look at her from top to bottom. ;)

And then you opened your mouth and said, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”~

This just makes things more complicated. Acceptance is always a part of a relationship be it just being strangers or friends. It’s one thing that makes women’s lives harder. The demand of the society, the demand of our peers, the people around us, the way they see us contribute in the urge of women to make themselves look pleasing. But it is just way harder than what you think. The desperation, the anxiety, the frustrations women get just to feel beautiful isn’t worth it.

And now we think about it..

"You don't know you're beautiful, and that's what makes you beautiful"

What is in being beautiful that makes girls look for different ways just to be one? Why do they have to do that?

I also wonder about these things. I admit, I, too, have my own ways and am looking for ways to make me look pleasing. I do things to my hair, dress up like those models, act like a lady and a lot of stuff. I think, we, women, just can’t help it. I think it’s innate. I believe a person wants to be beautiful because she just wants to be beautiful. For no other reason, we do certain measures so that we can accept ourselves. We have accepted the fact that no one is perfect (and I have blogged about it here). But we still strive for the best, for being pretty and lovely and beautiful and sexy. We strive for it because it’s not impossible. It’s kind of like the self-fulfilling things. We do it because it is a part of who we are. Honestly, girls love themselves so much that they take care of themselves in such ways. It’s not only because we want to be noticed or be flattered by some guys, it’s because we take the process of beauty as a part of growing up. And for most women, it’s not because we’re not contented with what we have, we just want to make better of what we have. You may look at us and say things, and even if you tell us we’re ugly, there’s this little girl inside of us that still says we are beautiful and thus, we continue to do what we believe that makes us beautiful. The mere process of beauty, the strive for beauty, makes each girl feel they truly are beautiful. It’s because in the midst of all this shenanigans, we get to learn bits and pieces of ourselves, we rediscover, discover and improve.

Don’t worry, at the end of the day, we all end up going to bed without makeup, without fashionable clothes and such. ;)

“Although beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, the feeling of being beautiful exists solely in the mind of the beheld.” -Martha Beck

Two-Zero-One-One

Published January 2, 2012 by The OC

"Two thousand and eleven made me who I am."

 

Two thousand and eleven has been a great year for me. It’s not perfect but it sure is one hell of a ride. It probably is the year where I’ve been through my highest ups and my lowest downs. So to give you guys a walk-through of my 2011, I am giving you guys… a list! :D

Going UP

1. I passed the University of the Philippines College Admission Test (UPCAT)! ♥

2. I passed the University of Santo Tomas Entrance Test. :D

3. I won champion in an essay writing contest held by UP KAPITAS. :D

4. Had the EPIC video of my life. HAHA. (This is me and my friends doing crazy things and decided to video it.)

5. Won the championship title in the speech choir competition in Lyceum, together with my team!

6. I passed the CAT. (This is one BIG achievement.)

7. I gave my speech in our graduation. :’)

8. I graduated as our class salutatorian. :>

9. I got enrolled in the University of The Philippines.

10. I found new friends. >:D<

11. I realized how much my parents loves me. :’)

12. I got high scores in my second semester (so far). :D

13. I STARTED BLOGGING. :>

14. I have met a lot of bloggers here! Hihi.

15. I had the best Christmas celebration eveeeeeeeeeeeeer! <:P

16. I got a polaroid camera. ♥

17. Alfred Highmore followed me back on Twitter. :”> ♥

18.  Oh, I forgot. I turned seventeen. :P

19. I got a lot of shoes. ♥

20. I’m still alive. :D

Going DOWN

1. Our Seniors Promenade. :|

2. THE HEARTBREAK. </3

3. My grand father died.

4. My mom got sick.

5. No money. Huhu.

6. Low grades in my first semester. :(

7. No fireworks this New Year’s Eve. Huhu.

This is just what I remember as of now. But if ever I get to remember more, I’m sure to update these lists!

It was the year I am reminded that I am a human, I do fall down. But it is true, what they say, you pick yourself back up. This was the time when I started to think more maturely and began to be rational and reasonable. I have grown up. Not just literally, but deep within. 2011 gave me my life lessons. 2011 taught me what it is to be a human being. It taught me how to feel, how to think. It is then when I started to act my age and not pretend to be somebody else. And it probably is the time I began experimenting on myself (hello, curly hair!) and started to learn who I really am and find the purpose of my life. Though 2011 has gone by, I will NEVER say goodbye to it.

2011 made me who I am today. :’) ♥

Unorthodox

Published December 3, 2011 by The OC

I don’t really know how to start this post though I know what I want to write, I can’t seem to put it into words. I guess it’s because what I’m writing about isn’t just a topic that I randomly thought of while I was eating breakfast this morning. It just really holds a special place inside of me. It’s something or rather someone very important to me. And I just want this post to be as special as the person I am writing about.

Usually, a person would make a list in their mind of his or her ideals towards other people. We have our own standards, our own checklist of what we want to see from others. Most of the time, we end up not really living with the standards we have set either because we had set it too high or just because the people around us can’t just make it on the list. For some weird unknown reason, even if we know that it is quite impossible to find even just one person that will live up to our standards, we still make one. And so I thought, are we making this so-called checklists because we want to be surrounded by the best possible people on Earth? Or is it because we’re just too scared to get hurt that’s why we try to find those people whom we think won’t be able to harm us?

Guilty as I plead, I make my standards too high just because I don’t want to get hurt. I guess that’s why I’m a bit an anti-social and quite distant towards others. But as Bob Marley said, “Truth is, everyone’s gonna hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” And you know what? He is right. It is impossible to find someone who wouldn’t hurt us. Nobody’s too good. Often times I find myself finding the people who even though they didn’t make the cut, they are still very much worthy to stay in my life. But when it comes to finding the best among the rest, I think it’s just totally not what I’m expecting.

When I was just a little girl, I used to think that when I find the one, that person would totally be the one I have waited for. Little did I know, expectations do get broken but I wasn’t really disappointed. In fact, I wasn’t disappointed at all.

People know me as someone who’s just quiet, not really the type of person who easily makes friends. And if we’re going to go with the tell-me-who-your-friends-are-and-i’ll-tell-you-who-you-are thing, you’re probably expecting that my friends are just like me, most especially my best friend.

You see, if I tell you that my best friend is one of the most frank people you’ve ever known, that she has a tongue as sharp as a knife and with just a few right words, she can kill you, and that she is really good at the things I’m not and that I am just about half her body structure, would you even believe me? I mean, if you don’t really know we’re best friends, I don’t think you’ll even think we are best friends. She’s totally the opposite of me. Honestly, if you were to ask me what would be my best friend like when I was about eight, I’d probably answer someone who is sweet, really prim and proper (not that I know these words when I was eight), and someone like a twin. Ask me now and I’ll totally would’ve opposed everything I said back then.

She’s not sweet. I mean not really the sweet type, she’s kind of more on the bittersweet side. She’s not always going to kiss your ass when you do something right. But at least she bakes really good chocolate cakes which make up for the bitterness she gives when she just feels like it. She’s not really the prim and proper princess-like girl, she’s more of the “one of the boys” kind of girl. ‘Cause she’d probably go for the comfy manners than those “royal” attitudes. And she’s totally not my twin. Nevertheless, she is my sister. By sister, I meant, she is the one who protects me from people who hurt me. She takes care of me every time I don’t feel good. She teaches me lessons I would’ve never understood, academic and life-wise. She tells me what’s right and wrong and always tells me the harsh truths of life. She just randomly makes me laugh when she learns a new crazy joke and try it on me. She also pretends and acts like a boyfriend who I think I will never have ’til I lie on my deathbed. She’s even the one who made a “goodbye” video for my ever epic-almost-there-relationship. And she always, ALWAYS stays by my side and never leaves me alone.

I don’t know what my life would’ve been if we never met. I don’t know who I would have been if she wasn’t there. Meeting her was probably one of the best chances I got in my life. Being her best friend, it is one of the best blessings God has ever given to me. Cheesy, I know, but it is what it is. You see, I had to throw my standards book and just let her give me the standards I need. I guess when you try to plan your life using these standards, life will just always get in the way just so you learn more than what you need. Most probably, life gets in the way to let you forget what you want and let you realize what you deserve. It’s not like you’re gonna die if your life tries to make a few twists and turns, right? Que sera, sera. It may seem to be not your cup of tea and it may go out far from your customs, but I tell you, in the end, you’ll most probably have the best-est friend you never thought you’ll have! Trust me. :)

"Let it happen on its own."

“..Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what. Maybe you will find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding. But there’s also the chance that the one person you can count on for a lifetime, the one person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself is the same person who’s been standing beside you all along.” -Marion St. Claire, Bride Wars

I love you, Kristel. :) ♥

Why I Don’t Believe In Fairy Tales

Published November 28, 2011 by The OC

Fairy Tale

-n.

1. A fanciful tale of legendary deeds and creatures, usually intended for children.

2. A fictitious, highly fanciful story or explanation.

Warning: Before anything else, you must know I am not in the business of ruining a little girl’s dream of becoming a princess. Trust me, I am not. That’s why this entry must not be read or even be told to them for my heart cannot bear see a child’s simple fantasies be shattered into dust. Guilt will haunt me ’til the very day of my death if that happens. So please, don’t.

Been there, done that. I once believed in fairy tales, you see. I had always dreamed of becoming a beautiful princess, to be come the damsel in distress and be saved by Prince Charming who’s destined to meet and save me from all the evils in the world.

I held on to that belief for years and years and years. Until I did find a prince who I believed that he was the one I was fated to be with. Well, at least, I did believe.. at the moment.

Obviously, you guys already know that I did fell in love, I repeat, I DID. I mean, who doesn’t? (For those of you who hasn’t fallen in love YET, you will, trust me, you just have to wait.) And it’s also obvious that the relationship didn’t work out. But before you call me “bitter” or anything else by the book, I want you guys to know that I am writing this to let you know the reasons why I’ve thrown everything about princesses and castles out the window and not because I want people to know every minute detail with my past, if you know what I mean.

I guess it’s true what they say, you’ll wish you were a kid again when your heart gets broken ’cause skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts. Though both may leave scars on you, at least there are what we call “The magics of dermatology”. But no matter how bad you want to fix your own heart, you can’t. There’s no heart surgery that can ever heal or make the scars in your heart disappear. (I know the heart doesn’t really do all that and it’s just used as a metaphor for what’s in the mind, but do let me use it for generality’s sake.)

Being heart-broken makes you feel lots of things like:

1. You feel worthless.

2. You feel that you’re done for.

3. You feel you’re in a prison and can never get out of it.

4. You feel the world is ending.

5. You feel so alone that no one will ever come to love you again.

and so on.

But for me, I think the worst part of getting heart-broken is when you believed everything was just like what you thought it would be and the next thing you know, it already took a three hundred and sixty degree turn. This very fact made me realize that fairy tales are for kids. I am not a princess and definitely, my life isn’t a fairy tale.

Though Cinderella may have been hurt by her step sisters and step mother, or even if Sleeping Beauty was put to sleep by an evil witch, their princes never hurt them. But for us people, in reality, it’s not always the case. You may feel the best feelings in the world but never be too sure that it will last. Nothing is permanent as they say, except for change.

Another reason I don’t believe in fairy tales is because I certainly do know that life is not like the movies. I frankly, think that these fantasies (the fairy-tale-like ones) created by people and shown on the big screens are just mere translation of what most people wish that their life would be, of what we think life should be. We shouldn’t even bother dreaming that our life will be just like that. I tell you, I maybe too young to say this, but there will always be hits and misses when it comes to chasing dreams. You have to go through a lot.

Yes, it does seem that my little childhood belief has left me and is now gone but that doesn’t mean that I’ll never believe in it again. I am not closing my doors on the opportunity of getting my fairy tale or having my movie. Remember, I just said “I don’t“, I NEVER said “I can’t“. And besides, just because I don’t believe in fairy tales, doesn’t mean I don’t believe in happy endings. :) If you think about it, you would rather have a happy ending without the fairy tale-like story than to have the story like those of princesses but with no happy endings. I know it would be great to have both but in this life, you can’t have it all.

You may have not thought of this yet but we are the one’s responsible for our own book. We’re the ones who write our own stories. In my case, I can’t write it as a fairy tale because it just isn’t the right genre for me. I know that one of you or at least a few of you still believe that your life can be just like those in Disney and you don’t agree with what I said, well, I respect that and I am not stopping you guys from believing. Just be sure that in your book, you make sure that you write everything and not just those that will make yours seem to be perfect. :)

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