Love

All posts in the Love category

Sent From Heaven

Published March 26, 2012 by The OC

Mischa,

How are you? Haha. Do you miss me already?

Ezra and his family migrated to theUnited Statesjust three days before her birthday. They sold all their properties – their house, their cars, all of it. It was like they did it on purpose. It seemed like they were diminishing reasons for them to stay, or at worse, to even come back at all as Mischa would put it. He told her that they have to go toCaliforniafor his father’s business. It didn’t really bother her; she was just sad knowing her best friend and her lover would be a thousand miles away.

I wrote this because I may not be able to greet you a Happy Birthday. I’m hoping you get this on March 30, 2011. Haha. So, have you replaced me yet? Haha.

They hadn’t had much contact ever since Ezra left. It’s been only three days, and it was Mischa’s sweet sixteenth already. There wasn’t a single call or text, not even an e-mail sent to her. But Ezra’s cousin gave Mischa a letter and a perfume bottle etched with the words “Today, Tomorrow, Always.” She admittedly felt giddy, just like a child getting a brand new toy. But at the same time, she felt how far away they are a lot more.

She opened the letter. She chose to keep it to herself. She didn’t want anyone else to even look at it. But she said Ezra’s tone was vaguely that of a man letting go, as if asking his loved one to move on, to find someone else. She did note one thing from the letter which says, “…just like the perfume, I love you today, tomorrow, and always.”

You are the MISS UNIVERSE OF MY LIFE. ;) I love you so much.

It was summer already. The sun was always up and strong. It was different for Mischa, however. Summer was the time for her to reminisce their moments together — the times when her parents treated Ezra like their own son.

“When we get into some small arguments, my parents would always side with him like he was their son and I wasn’t their daughter.” Mischa giggled and rolled her eyes. But she would always be in tears after every little anecdote.
It was curiosity that led her to an e-mail from Ezra to his cousin. She was envious — she hadn’t received any e-mail from him ever since. There was totally no communication between them. The few things Mischa vividly remembers from the e-mail were about Ezra telling stories of her baby sister, and something about vomiting and baldness. But the one thing she would never forget was Ezra’s note to his cousin: “Don’t tell this to Mischa, she might worry.” She wept as soon as she read it. Her world suddenly turned upside down, inside out. There was not a word to describe how she felt after reading the message.

She called his cousin, who said he was sorry. Upon finding it all out, Ezra called Mischa, and said he was sorry. It was all he could say.

“Every time I see you suffer, I suffer a bit more.” Mischa’s tone suddenly switched to a serious one as she muttered the words Ezra had told her on the phone.

If I’m still alive, you wouldn’t receive this because I will give you something else. I will give you my heart. :)

A few months later, Mischa received a phone call from Ezra’s mother. Mischa had almost surely predicted the words that she would come to hear. His mom was asking how she had been doing but her efforts to try to hide her mourning weren’t enough for Mischa to not feel the pain.

“Hija, Ezra’s gone.” Beyond that, nothing made sense anymore. At that moment, her world had stopped and her tears started falling.

Ezra’s mother told her that he died three days earlier, but he requested to tell the news to Mischa at that later time. Those three days were the exact days of her exams. They didn’t have any communication by then but it appeared Ezra knew what was happening to his beloved.

Take care. I love you.

Ezra

            Ezra was diagnosed with bone cancer years before he and Mischa became friends. He died last November 17, 2010 because of morphine overdose. Ezra’s mother informed Mischa that even in the last minutes of his life, he had been looking for Mischa. His mom told her that even in his sleep he was calling out for her.  She was the only person he wanted to see, and she was the only one he remembers until he passed away.

March 30, 2011. Mischa received a letter from his cousin, a letter from Ezra not saying goodbye, but a reaffirmation of his endless love for her.

Advertisements

Why I Don’t Believe In Fairy Tales

Published November 28, 2011 by The OC

Fairy Tale

-n.

1. A fanciful tale of legendary deeds and creatures, usually intended for children.

2. A fictitious, highly fanciful story or explanation.

Warning: Before anything else, you must know I am not in the business of ruining a little girl’s dream of becoming a princess. Trust me, I am not. That’s why this entry must not be read or even be told to them for my heart cannot bear see a child’s simple fantasies be shattered into dust. Guilt will haunt me ’til the very day of my death if that happens. So please, don’t.

Been there, done that. I once believed in fairy tales, you see. I had always dreamed of becoming a beautiful princess, to be come the damsel in distress and be saved by Prince Charming who’s destined to meet and save me from all the evils in the world.

I held on to that belief for years and years and years. Until I did find a prince who I believed that he was the one I was fated to be with. Well, at least, I did believe.. at the moment.

Obviously, you guys already know that I did fell in love, I repeat, I DID. I mean, who doesn’t? (For those of you who hasn’t fallen in love YET, you will, trust me, you just have to wait.) And it’s also obvious that the relationship didn’t work out. But before you call me “bitter” or anything else by the book, I want you guys to know that I am writing this to let you know the reasons why I’ve thrown everything about princesses and castles out the window and not because I want people to know every minute detail with my past, if you know what I mean.

I guess it’s true what they say, you’ll wish you were a kid again when your heart gets broken ’cause skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts. Though both may leave scars on you, at least there are what we call “The magics of dermatology”. But no matter how bad you want to fix your own heart, you can’t. There’s no heart surgery that can ever heal or make the scars in your heart disappear. (I know the heart doesn’t really do all that and it’s just used as a metaphor for what’s in the mind, but do let me use it for generality’s sake.)

Being heart-broken makes you feel lots of things like:

1. You feel worthless.

2. You feel that you’re done for.

3. You feel you’re in a prison and can never get out of it.

4. You feel the world is ending.

5. You feel so alone that no one will ever come to love you again.

and so on.

But for me, I think the worst part of getting heart-broken is when you believed everything was just like what you thought it would be and the next thing you know, it already took a three hundred and sixty degree turn. This very fact made me realize that fairy tales are for kids. I am not a princess and definitely, my life isn’t a fairy tale.

Though Cinderella may have been hurt by her step sisters and step mother, or even if Sleeping Beauty was put to sleep by an evil witch, their princes never hurt them. But for us people, in reality, it’s not always the case. You may feel the best feelings in the world but never be too sure that it will last. Nothing is permanent as they say, except for change.

Another reason I don’t believe in fairy tales is because I certainly do know that life is not like the movies. I frankly, think that these fantasies (the fairy-tale-like ones) created by people and shown on the big screens are just mere translation of what most people wish that their life would be, of what we think life should be. We shouldn’t even bother dreaming that our life will be just like that. I tell you, I maybe too young to say this, but there will always be hits and misses when it comes to chasing dreams. You have to go through a lot.

Yes, it does seem that my little childhood belief has left me and is now gone but that doesn’t mean that I’ll never believe in it again. I am not closing my doors on the opportunity of getting my fairy tale or having my movie. Remember, I just said “I don’t“, I NEVER said “I can’t“. And besides, just because I don’t believe in fairy tales, doesn’t mean I don’t believe in happy endings. :) If you think about it, you would rather have a happy ending without the fairy tale-like story than to have the story like those of princesses but with no happy endings. I know it would be great to have both but in this life, you can’t have it all.

You may have not thought of this yet but we are the one’s responsible for our own book. We’re the ones who write our own stories. In my case, I can’t write it as a fairy tale because it just isn’t the right genre for me. I know that one of you or at least a few of you still believe that your life can be just like those in Disney and you don’t agree with what I said, well, I respect that and I am not stopping you guys from believing. Just be sure that in your book, you make sure that you write everything and not just those that will make yours seem to be perfect. :)

%d bloggers like this: