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Sent From Heaven

Published March 26, 2012 by The OC

Mischa,

How are you? Haha. Do you miss me already?

Ezra and his family migrated to theUnited Statesjust three days before her birthday. They sold all their properties – their house, their cars, all of it. It was like they did it on purpose. It seemed like they were diminishing reasons for them to stay, or at worse, to even come back at all as Mischa would put it. He told her that they have to go toCaliforniafor his father’s business. It didn’t really bother her; she was just sad knowing her best friend and her lover would be a thousand miles away.

I wrote this because I may not be able to greet you a Happy Birthday. I’m hoping you get this on March 30, 2011. Haha. So, have you replaced me yet? Haha.

They hadn’t had much contact ever since Ezra left. It’s been only three days, and it was Mischa’s sweet sixteenth already. There wasn’t a single call or text, not even an e-mail sent to her. But Ezra’s cousin gave Mischa a letter and a perfume bottle etched with the words “Today, Tomorrow, Always.” She admittedly felt giddy, just like a child getting a brand new toy. But at the same time, she felt how far away they are a lot more.

She opened the letter. She chose to keep it to herself. She didn’t want anyone else to even look at it. But she said Ezra’s tone was vaguely that of a man letting go, as if asking his loved one to move on, to find someone else. She did note one thing from the letter which says, “…just like the perfume, I love you today, tomorrow, and always.”

You are the MISS UNIVERSE OF MY LIFE. ;) I love you so much.

It was summer already. The sun was always up and strong. It was different for Mischa, however. Summer was the time for her to reminisce their moments together — the times when her parents treated Ezra like their own son.

“When we get into some small arguments, my parents would always side with him like he was their son and I wasn’t their daughter.” Mischa giggled and rolled her eyes. But she would always be in tears after every little anecdote.
It was curiosity that led her to an e-mail from Ezra to his cousin. She was envious — she hadn’t received any e-mail from him ever since. There was totally no communication between them. The few things Mischa vividly remembers from the e-mail were about Ezra telling stories of her baby sister, and something about vomiting and baldness. But the one thing she would never forget was Ezra’s note to his cousin: “Don’t tell this to Mischa, she might worry.” She wept as soon as she read it. Her world suddenly turned upside down, inside out. There was not a word to describe how she felt after reading the message.

She called his cousin, who said he was sorry. Upon finding it all out, Ezra called Mischa, and said he was sorry. It was all he could say.

“Every time I see you suffer, I suffer a bit more.” Mischa’s tone suddenly switched to a serious one as she muttered the words Ezra had told her on the phone.

If I’m still alive, you wouldn’t receive this because I will give you something else. I will give you my heart. :)

A few months later, Mischa received a phone call from Ezra’s mother. Mischa had almost surely predicted the words that she would come to hear. His mom was asking how she had been doing but her efforts to try to hide her mourning weren’t enough for Mischa to not feel the pain.

“Hija, Ezra’s gone.” Beyond that, nothing made sense anymore. At that moment, her world had stopped and her tears started falling.

Ezra’s mother told her that he died three days earlier, but he requested to tell the news to Mischa at that later time. Those three days were the exact days of her exams. They didn’t have any communication by then but it appeared Ezra knew what was happening to his beloved.

Take care. I love you.

Ezra

            Ezra was diagnosed with bone cancer years before he and Mischa became friends. He died last November 17, 2010 because of morphine overdose. Ezra’s mother informed Mischa that even in the last minutes of his life, he had been looking for Mischa. His mom told her that even in his sleep he was calling out for her.  She was the only person he wanted to see, and she was the only one he remembers until he passed away.

March 30, 2011. Mischa received a letter from his cousin, a letter from Ezra not saying goodbye, but a reaffirmation of his endless love for her.

Optimist Prime

Published March 26, 2012 by The OC

Optimistic. One thing I treasure the most is me being an optimist. I am a positive thinker.

My life isn’t perfect. No one’s life ever is perfect. We went through hardships and trials which made us stronger and wiser. We become a better person with every experience we go through. But there are those moments which made us be something else. There are those moments which develops a part of us just so we help ourselves cope and accept the fact that life is not easy.

I wasn’t born an optimist. In fact, I was a grungy little girl whom my mom would always call “maldita“.  I wasn’t a happy-go-lucky child because of the fact that there isn’t much in my childhood to be happy about. But there is this one moment where everything turned upside-down. I grew up.

Basically, when one grows, one develops. We mature and face more problems each and every day we grow up. Growing up lets us enter in situations where giving up is an option, where negativity fills up the room and conspires us to speculate and to aim for the unreachable perfection. In these moments, I learned not to let my self be eaten by the “bad” energy. I do not let myself be swallowed in the deep, dark misery of trying to make things work and wanting it so bad which just leads to frustrations and disappointments.

I figured that if I let my self feel happy, think happy, I can at least let my self forget the difficulty of the process of growing up. Or at least I can feel that there is something to look upon to at the end of the day. Having just a little something to think positive about can change the mood of a person. This change can affect gravely how we act the next few seconds and how we let ourselves go on and grow up.

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